In the summer of 2020, when the world was in lockdown, I decided to enroll in the JourneyDance Teacher Training Program. I was drawn to this practice because it felt similar to the healing dance work I had been teaching in my Christian dance and faith communities for years. I knew JourneyDance had a spiritual component, but I loved how it wasn’t confined to one spiritual path - a value that was super important to me.
During my time in that program, I spent a lot of time analyzing the differences between JourneyDance and the healing dance curriculum that I had created. Then one day, I had a huge lightbulb moment on that topic. A good portion of the JourneyDance program focuses on internal work - learning to be present in your physical body and connecting to your heart and your emotions. Whereas for the most part, the curriculum I used to teach was externally directed to and from Spirit and then towards other people. I would open myself up to be a channel for Spirit and then direct whatever messages I received towards the person I was ministering to. My role was to be a bridge, using movement to connect Spirit with people, bypassing or ignoring (and often invalidating) what was happening inside me. I viewed myself as simply a vessel. And I taught people how to do that for themselves and others.
Please hear me when I say I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with that process. It’s a powerful gift and functioning in that role is most definitely where my sacred work lies. But what I realized was that I had allowed my soul to become completely disconnected from those experiences. I invested a significant amount of energy in creating an invisible barrier to make sure no part of ME got involved when I was dancing/praying over someone. I would set that boundary in place every single time because I was taught to believe that my heart was deceitful, my flesh was weak, and my mind could not be trusted. I placed no value on what I had to offer, only what spirit could offer through me. So I walled myself off to protect those I wanted to serve, making sure the messages they received were delivered in their purest form.
Perhaps disconnecting from myself was necessary in order to do the work I needed to do. I don’t have all the answers. Either way, coming to the realization that there was a disconnect at all was THE missing key that unlocked my own healing journey. How can you be whole if you believe you’re inherently bad? This idea was so deeply embedded within me that it was affecting ALL areas of my life.
I’ve been working hard to untangle myself from that toxic theology and even though there’s still so much work to be done - I feel whole and free in a way I didn’t know was possible. I’m learning how to channel my own intuition in the same way I channel spirit. Side bonus, trusting myself has also made a significant positive impact on my ability to channel messages for others. There’s a new level of confidence and authority that bubbles up inside of me when I step into that role. JourneyDance has been such a helpful practice for revealing my blind spots, reconnecting to my heart, and coming back home to my body. Getting to know her, loving her, and trusting her has been the most precious gift I could ever receive.
If you want to know more about my journey into and out of Christianity, I share the whole story on episode 3 of my Spiritual Dance Podcast titled "Losing my Religion". CLICK HERE to listen.
